Psychology Today November 12, 2009
You have been unhappy with your marriage for years. And for the last two or three years you have been thinking about divorce, even fantasizing what life would be like if you were free. You have distanced from your spouse and have been in separate bedrooms for a year. Although there is civil dialogue between you there is no warmth and an occasional flare-up in which whatever the issue, it gets pushed down rather than resolved. For the past year the only thing that has held you in the marriage is your guilt about the children but you have been working on that with your counselor. And you have finally reached a decision. Even with all its disadvantages and all the dislocation and problems it will cause you have determined to get a divorce. So now all that is left is to tell your spouse. (From this point on to make the writing easier I am going to treat the divorcing spouse as the wife. As about three quarters of divorces are initiated by women it is not unrealistic to do so.